Fighting for Standards

A friend and I were talking today about me waiting to meet "the one." I think I used the phrase Mister Right :p And yeah, I really want to meet Mr. Right... But I know it's God's timing, not mine. Joking around I said who knows, maybe it's him. And we just kinda laughed about it at first. However, he suddenly turned serious and asked me... Are you willing to fight for it? I wasn't sure if he meant for him or in general. So I asked and he basically said Yes, me... Or the man you love.

I was a bit... taken aback at the question. Not only cause it was partially directed at our friendship, but because it was something I never considered. I assumed the answer, but never thought about it.

So... Am I willing to fight for the man I love. Essentially, am I willing to fight for love?

My answer? a resounding YES!!!

followed by a GIANT BUT

Yes, I'm willing to fight for love, for the man I love... BUT... I will NOT give up my standards. I guess you might not care, this might not be "blog-worthy," but it was an important revelation in my life.

I've sacrificed my standards before, and it's not something I can do again. God created me to be the person that I am, and it is not fair of me to ever Deny that. I can use refining and change in His honor, but giving up some part of who I am so I can be with someone is unacceptable. Absolutely and completely unacceptable.

Does that negate my statement of a willing to fight? You might perhaps say yes... But I don't think so. There is a difference between fighting for love and settling because my emotions override my needs.

I NEED a fellow Christian to be my family's Spiritual Leader

I NEED someone who isn't hours away. I gave long distance one last shot and got my heart broken...

I NEED someone who wants what I want. I can't be with someone who has different goals than me. That just leads to heart break.

I NEED to trust this person with everything.

I NEED someone who respects my desire to save sex for marriage.

That's IT. Why is that so hard for some people? I don't know. I guess because that isn't the world most of us were raised into. But those are my standards... My MUST HAVES... And I'm not willing to give those up anymore. I'm sorry... But I can't.

Beyond that, I'll fight tooth and nail for the man I love, but how can I love someone who asks me to give up any of these? That's just stupid.

Night guys, Thanks for reading! :]

Who I Am...Warning: OFFENSIVE

Ok, probably not offensive in a way most of you might expect... But It will probably offend some of you. Honestly, I don't care, I'm sharing something important to me and I hope that that's enough of a reason for you to not be offended.

The following is my side of a conversation that I had last night with a good friend. I'm not sharing any of this person's words, just my own... I omitted only a few unnecessary lines that were spoken in response to said person, otherwise it's all exactly as I said it last night.

This particular post isn't meant to convert anyone, and it's not nearly as offensive as what I intend to write tomorrow... but this Post will give many of you a deeper idea of who I am and how I function. It will also make the rest of the things I may write in the future less offensive. I hope. Anyway... On we go. :]

Disclaimer: To my Non-Christian Friends Bear with me. Know that I say this for all of you

To my Christian Friends... I don't necessarily mean you in the first or last statements, but it wasa blanket statement, and I said I'd be honest about what I typed.

To all my English Major friends... excuse the bad typing and grammar and spelling... I was in an IM, I wasn't trying to be perfect. Deal with it :P

ME: Wanna know what makes me the most different from all the christians i know?

ME: I try to find my very being and source for self... in Gods love.

ME: do you know much about the structure of the english language?

ME: lol. Ok... there are 6 different kinds of verbs.

ME: verbs tell the action... the verbs will be capitalized in the following sentences...

ME: she WALKED home from school

ME: Michael ATE a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

ME: i AM tired.

ME: anyway... one kind of verb is the BE verb.

ME: am, is, are, were, was...

ME: the verb to be is conjugated... I AM, you Are, She IS, we ARE, they ARE... past tense... I was, You were, she was, we were, they were...

ME: these verbs... BE verbs... express actual equivalence.

ME: i AM tired... when i say I am tired, that is the equivalent to what I am at that moment.

ME: right?

ME: a BE verb is like an equal sign

ME: 1 John 4:8 and 1 John 4:16 both say, and I quote "God IS Love"

ME: So... that equates God with Love. True?

ME: So... I figure... if my God is the equivalent... the verying being of love... why should I be any less?

ME: so, that is why I am who I am... i strive to Love like God... and that makes a lot more non-christians listen to what i have to say... because once they know me, they know that what I say is based on love and not on a desire to manipulate or "win" a friend to God. ya know?

ME: *smiles* that's just who i am :]

In the Quiet Moments

• Main Entry: strength
• Pronunciation: \ˈstreŋ(k)th, ˈstren(t)th\
• Function: noun
• Inflected Form(s): plural strengths ˈstreŋ(k)ths, ˈstren(t)ths, ˈstreŋks\
• Etymology: Middle English strengthe, from Old English strengthu; akin to Old High German strengi strong — more at strong
• Date: before 12th century

1 : the quality or state of being strong : capacity for exertion or endurance
2 : power to resist force : solidity, toughness
3 : power of resisting attack : impregnability
5 a : degree of potency of effect or of concentration strengths> b : intensity of light, color, sound, or odor c : vigor of expression
7 : one regarded as embodying or affording force or firmness : support strength>
9 : basis —used in the phrase on the strength of

synonyms see power

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/strength

Strength is a quality of character. One I've never really chosen to use to describe myself. But lately, when things have been hard, I've done a lot of thinking about Strength. What defines a person's strength? Is it their ability to hide emotion? Certainly not... That isn't strength, that's cowardice. So, it's dealing with emotions. Dealing with the hard moments in a long life. Strength is coping and maintaining and admitting when it's hard. Strength keeps someone from going backwards. Hopefully, Strength keeps someone from simply standing still as well.

Every day my heart hurts right now. I'm not saying my world is falling apart or all is wrong. Things in this life truly aren't that bad. But I'm a bit discouraged. I was talking to a friend earlier tonight and they way my mind wandered I was thinking that I'm really holding up ok a majority of the time. And that's good enough. Right? I'm really doing well, except for those few times when I'm driving in my car coming home from work, or eating a quiet lunch, or trying to fall asleep late at night.

What about those moments? The times when I can almost swear I feel my heart breaking. When it would be easier to curl up in a ball under my covers and sleep the day away. Where is the strength when I'm falling apart?

When I turn pull into my driveway, get out of my car, and take time to talk to the people I care about. When I put my dishes in the sink and walk out the door to join my friends. When I close my eyes and pray and sleep without a knot in my chest.

There is my strength in those moments. The choices to move. To move forward and not stand still. To release the hurt to God and let him handle it.

Let's be honest. My strength isn't my own. I'd have no strength without the God I call my father. Thank you, Lord, for taking care of me and giving me strength when I feel empty and tired and crushed.

But thank you, also, to the amazing people I have the blessing of calling my friends. I wouldn't be who I am without you, and I wouldn't be able to keep going without your friendship.

Strength isn't just making it through the day, but dealing with the pain.

Strength isn't just 90% of the time, but winning every moment.

It's not all about what the world sees when working and talking and around loved ones.

Strength is In the Quiet Moments.